Today I got back from Columbia that since my application was too unique, they had decided to reject me. At first I was angry at myself for not being good enough, this was supposed to be my safe school. A guaranteed yes. Then I was depressed because if I couldn’t get into Columbia then how the hell will I be able to get into Russia or South Korea, whose application process is more difficult and competitive. I feel inadequate and unwanted. I mean, how the heck can an application be too unique, isn’t that what grad schools want? Or do they just want a everyday person that they can control. You know what, thank you Columbia for rejecting me based on my uniqueness, obviously, the school was never a fit. And when I am one of the top researchers and experts on Human Rights, I will make sure to include you in my speech. How, since I was rejected, I went to another school that celebrated my uniqueness and complex background. I mean, not everyone studies in Korea for a year then interns in India. I am a badass person who will excel at everything I do with no regrets!
I also relized another thing, I focus too much on what could have happened. For lent I am giving up on relations ships that could of happened, Kpop, and wasting time because I am too scared to face reality. This past month I have been so scared of publishing my study in a journal that I forgot why I am doing it in the first place. That one needs two sides of a story to understand why they are not fitting. For Korea outsiders need to establish that adaptation for defectors from the north can only be sucessful if they understand both what the defectors themselves are experiancing, but what the korean citizens are experiancing. I am tired of sitting back, being a scardy cat, its time to finally live the life I know I excel at!