I though,  just maybe,  things would change in time.  That the only man I ever loved would be free. I was his shameful secret,  a one night stand with such passion and love I hav ever felt in my entire life. Him whispering sweet promise to make me his,  to leave his younger gf,  the child that was still in high school. Why was it too late,  why did we meet after they became a thing.  Why was it love at first sight. Why could I never confess my feelings.  I was hoping that him having a busy job would separate then.  My selfish thought was a deep yearning to make him mine.  It's not fair,  why would God send me the man I could never hav...  That I could never love?

What do you do? Does God hav other plans for me!?  Is this just a fake one sided love on my part?

How does one know when it's true love and not something fabricated in their own deluted minds? That he isn't just playing with the object that is your heart to pass time while the soul thrusts itself at them only to end up broken. 


I did the right thing.  I distanced myself,  stopped talking to my best friend as much, tried my hardest to not ask our mutual friend how he was. But why can't it ever be me.  Why do I get stuck being the mistress,  the slut to help pass time till they meet their one,  and the punching bag of hands and words to lash out their burdens? 

When can I get my happy ending,  or just someone that is there for me.  

Sometimes I wonder whether it's my best friend.  The man that has been there through all my injustices,  all the struggles and tears and laughter.  Does it matter is he's short? Should I give the best friend my heart is leaning towards a second chance.  Or is my heart again confusing brother love for true love? 

How does one know... 

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