Being back, I thought it would be the best feeling in the entire world. Yet it feels different than I expected.
Like if one was the only person in the universe looking in on a small world, you saw the world pass by and once reentry is granted your still separated by a piece of glass. Still hearing and seeing people communicate but not being able to understand anything.
Many will go about their lives as if I never left or I became a ghost shadowing their lives. Others embrace only for seconds then talk as if nothing changed. And the few who ask about the adventures only truly half listen, only hoping to change the conversation to something new at the drop of a hat.
Socializing is different; here so many are fakes, walking around in the images created after years of sculpting and releasing supposed secrets to the world. Once back I messed with a freshman and next day everyone knew. What happened to the shame where decency was expected and outing a person was a sin? Many make mistakes or chose to live their lives certain ways, who gave the free card for others to judge something they know nothing about or doesn’t even concern them.
Overseas many did sins yet knew how to keep quiet about it. Even if rumors spread the one whom these were about would never know. The world has become so chaotic where if the mere murmur of truth is shuttered then the already pierced ground could shatter.
If speaking from the gut, I no longer fit here.
Or did I ever truly fit?
The biggest thing I learned while overseas was that I am worth ten times more then what people have always thought of me. Countless times I have been treated like shit, stepped on to gain something, or even blatantly betrayed only for me to look the other way as to not create a bad situation which could lead to hatred.
Yet, I am done with this. I think where I finally had enough was when discussing master university with the “supposed” academic counselor in charge of me. One day, stupidly, I asked this professor what he thought of the master schools that I picked out. After showing him a list of international programs as well as a double masters at Columbia University. He nonchalantly suggests that I try schools in North Dakoda and out of the middle of nowhere universities. Which I would have been fine with, but he didn’t even mention a single inch about the ones I was looking at. Basically throwing in my face that I am not good enough to apply to big programs, only smart enough to go to ones in the middle of know where with programs that don’t even get acknowledged.
What is wrong with me, which is what I kept asking.
Then I realized, it’s not me but the countless advisers and counselors that have underestimated me.
Schools now a days only care about how fast one can answer a question, not whether that answer is correct or makes sense. As long as it’s bullshitted anyone is given an automatic A++
What happed to those who took a long time to think in order to produce astonishing results go? Why do we just get pegged stupid, never celebrated or cherished? My entire life I have been told I will never go to college, never graduate, never amount to anything because of the blatant stupidity that I showed during class and the lack of understanding in quick situations.
Yet those shouting rapid fire answers are never necessarily the ones who help society progress. Sometimes the ones who are willing to work for hours to days on end to discover an answer are the ones whom will discover the impossible or settle disputes never thought to become peaceful.
Instead the names picked out for us are stupid, idiotic, never to amount to anything, trash, worthless, and not even worth many peoples time.
I think the question many should be asking right now is what will happen when ones who use time to discover are outlasted from society so much that they disappear like a distant memory?