Back at my home university I am known as a player, I have had my fair share of guys and I usually don't say no. Or at least this is what people perceive me as…
In reality I don’t say no because all the times I either thought the guy actually liked me and we were going to start to date or it was because I was drunk and even if I said no the guy would not stop. This has happened to me countless times, it even got to the point where I started justifying the actions of others as my fault because I was leading them on and it’s just one time.
It got to a point, before leaving for Korea, that guys would just be nice to me because they thought I would sleep with them. Some weren’t even that nice, they would send dick pics and racy comments to my phone because they assumed I would not be offended and like it. People treated me like an object and not as a person.
I began to lust for real relationships, but the ones I got into were bad ones that made my life hell. I’ve dated stalkers, control freaks, and even worse, guys who shit talked me to make themselves look better after we broke up. The most recent one was my ex from this summer, we only dated for less than a month and broke up because our personalities were too opposite. Without knowing he started to spread rumors about me threw his department. I didn’t discover that this was happening until two days ago when I went to Busan. While drinking with my girlfriend I had to go to the restroom, on the way back to the table this really handsome man stopped me. His friend said that the guy really liked me and would like my number, so I gave it to him because he seemed really nice and not to mention fit. Eventually the two guys joined our table with drinking. After talking for a while we figured out we were from the same University and that they were from my ex boyfriends department. To make things stranger the hot guys friend said ‘ohh your her..” In a tone where you can tell the stuff people told them about me was not good. Immediately after that it went from his friend trying to get us together to telling him not to get too close because it would be trouble. Like I was this snake that would crush him into a million pieces. Even got to the point where I got upset and told him that if the guy liked me let him make his own decision on what he wanted to do.
One thing people in this world don’t understand is that I have changed with my perspectives on relationships. I no longer want to be treated like a piece of garbage or choose a guy just because he likes me. I want to have a long term relationship for once, one that I got in by being picky and knowing deep down that this guy will treat me how I am supposed to be treated and better. I’m no longer the girl who makes excuses for messing up or afraid to get into a meaningful relationship. I’m a new girl who has blossomed into a woman knowing she deserves better then what is given.