4 yrs of ignorance

Four years, I worked off my ass for four years! And for what, so my professor could sit there and brag about other students? When I first entered my major, there were 4 favorite students. Three girls form the same sorority and one guy. The past 4 years its always been about how the guy was a head delegate his sophomore year, how he is the spitting image of our professor and go places, how no one is smarter than he is. With the other three they have always been praised, how no one can amount to their brilliance and that they got full rides to their schools in the states after college. Yet here I am, feeling like a potato that’s been having skin peeled on since freshman year, never even high enough for my fingertips to reach the bar they hang on. I worked my ass off and was the only one in my class to go overseas during out sophomore year and stay a full academic year. I was the only one who worked her ass off in an internship at a dangerous place in India. I was the only fucken one who conducted an experiment overseas and wrote her 60 pg undergrad thesis on it. I am the only student that got into some of the top universities overseas. I tried so hard to just be noticed by my professor to hope he could at least remember where im going to grad school. I am lucky enough if he remembers my majors. Lucky enough if he remembers what I am going to grad school for, and luck enough if he even remembers that I have been here for 4 years and not 3. Even though I have intensely worked with him for the past year and constantly updated him while overseas, I feel like he barley even notices me. 

I tried to ignore the issue by clinging on the statement that he was proud of me, but today, only a few days until graduation, it feels like the lie is unraveling. For the first time, I am noticing how ignorant he is and how he has never understood that I know what I am talking about when it comes to human rights and east Asian issues. He referred to East Asia as north Asia today, when discussing if I should go to the top school in Thailand. He didn’t care that it is ranked number 1, all he cared about is that it had to be a scam. Like someone like me could never get into a school like that. He also said that the human right violations entertainment companies are doing against the idols is not an issue. Like I was making a small situation bigger. Yea… Starving the idols to the brink of anorexia standards and forcing them into a slave like servitude is not a violation against a person’s basic rights. I don’t care what it is, human right violations always start out as something seemingly small and insignificant. Im sure when Hitler made the concentration camps he didn’t sit there and think, ‘hey, we should really gas people to death and commit mass grave killings’. HELL NO. it even says in books that he was only meaning to contain them at first, it ended up then escalating to ethnic cleansing. And genocides are not the only form of human right violations! No matter how little or big a situation is, if they are violating a person’s basic rights then someone should stand up for them. And maybe the reason why nothing has been done to help them yet is because of people like you, underrating the situations without trying to open you eye and ears.

I never thought I would say it, but he does not deserve any present or thank you note. I am going to the best school in the Netherlands not by his contribution, but by my own. I worked my ass off while overseas both occasions. I took every opportunity to go above and beyond in every assignment given to me. If he ends up giving me a shitty grade, hopefully it will be a grade above a C to pass with flying colors. I am going to go overseas and get a top-notch master’s degree while all the favorites sit back in America having families and settling. And when I end up being the top in my field and am asked how I achieved it. I will mention all the professors but him.


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